First Post

I can always tell a liar
and I always know a thief
I know them like my family
because brother I’m the chief
I’m a dangerous crusader
because I need to tell the truth
so I’m turning over tables
in my own living room

- Derek Webb, "Nobody Loves Me"

So much of what I feel has already been beautifully described by Derek Webb, so expect frequent references. Nevertheless, I will begin this blog in an attempt to externalize the many thoughts and feelings I never get to share. However you ended up here and for what ever reason you are reading me now, I give you this disclaimer. I'm complicit in every problem I will ever complain about. I'm guilty of everything that frustrates me. For every lie I've heard I've told a dozen. So I'm turning over tables in my own living room.

Some background. I'm a Boston resident (Lower Allston represent) and New Hampshire native. Born and raised politically and socially conservative in the "Live Free or Die" state, I spring from the evangelical tradition. Don't hold it against me. I've been an ideologue and a skeptic and still think I know what's wrong with the world. But my views have been changing, my horizons have been expanding. Surely, my current opinions will be blamed on the liberal atmosphere in which I dwell. In my defense, I've stuck strictly to a math and science education that was devoid of any social commentary.

Instead, I blame my current blend of hopefulness and cynicism on eight years of disappointment from the President I voted for and, more importantly, my discovery of the full gospel of Jesus Christ with all its radical implications. Leo Tolstoy was one of the first to reveal to me a Christianity quite unlike my modern experience, one based on peace, non-violence, and justice. Shane Claiborne showed me what it looks like in the 21st century. Derek Webb set it to music. Others due some credit are my current heroes: Jim Wallis, Momma T, MLK, and some lesser known ones, Tim Hawkins, Nathan Griffith, Ma Siss, and Aaron Graham.

Two years ago I moved to the greatest city in America, Boston, MA, for some more education. What I found here was a new church connecting with a new generation on a journey back to God, my home, Reunion Christian Church. I also found a welcoming community in one of Boston's toughest neighborhoods, struggling against realities of drug abuse, segregation, economic disparity, and broken homes like I've never experienced before. Between these two budding communities I've found inspiration and hope as well as frustration and powerlessness. I've been challenged to assess every area of my life to see how it fits with this radical kingdom that promises to end injustice and set all things right.

That's the journey I've been on and frankly, I'm not sure how far I've gotten. I still see the same old problems in my heart. I'm lazy and depressed. I'm short-sighted. I am frustrated with the world and my own inability to change. I guess that's why I'm writing this now. I want to air out all the brokenness so I can once again accept my own complicity, my own insufficiency, and trust once more in the grace of God.

I am the scattered seed that fell along the path, I am the son that ran away. I am crooked deep down and the same old struggles that plagued me then are plaguing me still. I know I am prone to all sorts of errors but I hope to be a humble voice in this tumultuous world. I know everything I say is colored with bias (what opinion isn't?) but I need to tell the truth as I see it. May the tables start turning.